Great Expectations

Sometimes it's hard to be objective. But sometimes it is the only way to be enlightened.

1.       “If you don't have an opinion, don't choose an opinion.” - J.A.

2.      The most accurate displays of a woman's "expectations" emerge once a year on February 14th. 

3.      Sometimes, it really all is in your head. Don't make the mistake of accepting it as reality.

4.      If the response is of no added value, don't ask the question.

5.      Waiting for the other shoe to drop can make one begin to go a little crazy.

6.      Being referred to as someone’s “creative consultant” is always a wonderful compliment.

7.       Be very aware of when something is none of your business. Don't interfere, and don't take it personally.

8.      A happy meal for lunch increases one's happiness quotient. Discovering a shortcut shortly after is the cherry on top.

9.      Some things, once said, can never be unsaid. Be careful with your words in the heat of the moment.

10.  Don't expect people to change simply because you have demanded it of them.

11.   "You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed."

12.  Take a step back. It's much easier to see the big picture that way.

Have fun. Laugh. Eat Cake. Repeat.

Adapted from a new note sent by an old friend of mine, Mr. Goud Add-Vice. Smart guy.

1.       Ask for help.  If there is one thing you should do in business, it is to ask for help.  Asking for help is the truest sign of professionalism you can ever demonstrate and it’s probably the best thing you can do for your career.  What follows might also come in handy.

2.      Don’t expect anyone to plan your career.  It just doesn’t happen that way.  There is no grand plan that will carry you.  Decide what you want in a career and go after it.  Set goals and write them down.  You may not know what these are right now and that’s OK.  But do everything you can to try find out.

3.      Keep physically fit.  Your brain will make you money, but your body carries your brain.  The better your physical condition, the greater your capacity for productive, unrelenting work. And being in good condition gives you another edge:  You will be able to start earlier, pause less often, and end your day with a wind sprint.  You will also sleep better.   You will have energy and motivation to – at night and on the weekends – coach soccer, attend theatre, volunteer. 

4.      Do something hard and lonely.  Try to do something Spartan and individualistic.  Do something that you know very few people are willing to do.  It’ll give you a feeling of accomplishment and a certain self-elitism.  It will mentally prepare you for the rigor of life and business.  Read late at night when everyone else is asleep, run long, slow distances early in the morning (and in the winter), work on a 1,000-piece puzzle, write, cultivate a garden, clean the entire house, read Moby Dick, but do it by yourself.  Do something that is solitary.  All great athletes remember the endless hours of seemingly unrewarded toil.  So do corporate Executives.

5.      Never write a nasty email to criticize, belittle, degrade, or hurt a colleague.  Never write a memo that is cynical, condescending, or unkind.  Never, ever send a memo written in anger or frustration.  The world of business is small.  People get promoted, change companies, change jobs, have powerful friends, and they do all of this around the world and throughout your career.  Companies merge, acquire, and get acquired.  That nasty memo could show up anywhere someday and haunt you.

6.      Spend one hour thinking every day.  Plan, dream, scheme, think, calculate.  Review your goals.  Consider options.  Ponder problems.  Write down ideas.  Practice your orals presentation.  Figure out how to get things done.  Do this every day.  Do it at a desk or working table.  Do not do it while driving or jogging or in the shower.  Don’t plan on this kind of thinking at your project; you will be interrupted.

7.      Send handwritten notes.  These days impersonal communication pervades.  There is fax mail, e-mail, junk mail, voice mail, BMM, AIM, WhatsApp, PINs, ATMs, talking cars, digitized wake-up calls.  Handwritten notes stand out.  They are the digitalis for the digital world.  They will differentiate you, mark you as having personal manners and merit.  They are personal, of the gracious past, and never out of style.

8.      Don’t hide an Elephant.  Big problems always surface.  The “hiders” always get burned, regardless of complicity.  The “discoverers” always are safe, regardless of complicity.  When you know there is a problem, and it is important, let people know right away.  Turn the problem into an opportunity to shine.  Define and explain the problem carefully.  Give estimates of potential damage.  Describe possible scenarios.  Suggest options and solutions.  Ask for help.

9.      Always take a vacation.  The people who brag they never take vacations are either fools or poor managers.  You must be able to establish your project, your pyramid or area of responsibility so it can function smoothly without you.  Take the time to relax and always go on vacation.  Recharge, play, laugh, eat, sightsee, sit on the beach or on your deck, read a book, love, enjoy your family, cook for your friends and forget about work. 

10. Make your family your no. 1 client.

11.   Never panic… or lose your temper.  Thomas Jefferson said, “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”

12.   Push ideas and generate impact, not paper.  Don’t confuse activity for progress.

13.   Be a credit maker, not a credit taker.  Credit takers usually have short shelf-lives.

14.  Don’t be an empire builder.  Empires have a way of crumbling onto their leaders.

15.   Make mistakes.  They are milestones.  They indicate action in new and inexperienced areas.  A mistake is a learning device and you probably will never make it again. Acknowledging mistakes is a sign of security and confidence.  It shows a willingness to try new things and take on uncertain ventures.  Mistakes are the exhaust of active, energetic people.  And the record of mistakes is often the memorabilia of a very successful person.

16.   Live for today, plan for tomorrow and forget yesterday.

17.   Have fun.  Laugh.  Repeat.

18.   A career, like life, is a marathon.  So stop along the way, replenish and don’t forget to ask for help…

The Other Shoe

From www.edwardmonkton.com 

1. It doesn't cost anything to be nicer to people. The return on investment is infinite.

2. If you do not enter a radio competition, it is almost impossible to win.

3. If you plan to eat potentially stomach-upsetting food, ensure you are within close proximity of your bathroom. 

4. Just because a little dog you have not previously met follows you into a building and looks at you inquisitively, does not necessarily mean he is lost.

5. If the person sitting in the driver seat casually mentions he is low on gas, expect to be the subject of a practical joke not long after.

6. Waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop may cause it to do just that. If it is inevitable, stop "waiting".

7. Discovering you can listen to your favourite radio station at work is like finding out you're allowed to bring a cellphone to class in college.

8. Ignore the cynics that posit there are no truly altruistic acts and do them anyway.

The Missing Piece

Sometimes it takes a while for the smoke to clear and the dust to settle...

1. If you miss someone, go visit them.

2. Punctuality is not that important when identifying qualities in a great friend -- there exist more important things.

3. It is far too easy to be judgmental. Don't... Nobody knows what takes place between two people behind closed doors. 

4. Having falafel for breakfast, lunch and dinner is never (ever) a good idea.

5. When someone who truly has your best interests at heart questions your actions, stop to wonder why.

6. Even though a ticking time bomb will eventually blow up, it is best to live in the moment and ignore the "eventually" for now.

7. You may feel the constant need to find someone to complete you when all you really need to complete yourself is you. 

8. Being sick can be incredibly boring once the staying-home-from-work novelty has worn off.

9. Forgiving someone is the easiest way to feel lighter and happier.

10. It's always nice to feel included.

11. Everyone has their irrational passions -- leave them be.

12. Your most kindred spirit will often make themselves apparent to you when you least expect, but when you are most in need.

13. "The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive thought."

A few scars

Fighting your way through life, you may often stop to wonder whether you really belong, and whether it is worth is. One way or another, you learn. At least you hope that you do.
Most of you will recognize these nuggets of wisdom. 
For the rest of you, you can thank me later. 

1. "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't."  

2. "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

3. "The things you own end up owning you."

4. "Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves."

5. "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile."

6. "People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."

7. "There are a lot of things we don't want to know about the people we love."

8. "I just don't want to die without a few scars." 

9. "Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer." 

10. "It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."  

Perfectly permanent

The days seem long, but are getting shorter... "All this feels strange and untrue..."

1. If you want something you haven't gotten yet, you obviously don't want it badly enough.

2. Intriguing people is easy... ensuring that the intrigue is sustainable is far more challenging.

3. Being angry gets tiring after a while.

4. There is nothing wrong with going to bed before ten.

5. Putting on a pair of glasses is the easiest way to look smarter. Or goofier. Depending on the glasses. And the person wearing them.

6. If you enter a competition and truly believe that you are going to win, then you will win.

7. Practice doesn't make perfect; practice makes permanent. 

8. A McDonald's happy meal makes an ideal lunch. The company you keep helps too.

 

9. The Christmas spirit is easily induced through Santa hats and Christmas carols.

10. Sometimes all you need is a piano to distract you.

11. Everything is okay in the end. If you're not okay, it's not the end.

Open Your Eyes 

The common crazy

Relatively short, relatively artificial-sweetener free.

The theory of relativity continues to rear its ugly head.

I guess it's about time we welcome it in.

1. There are (apparently) different levels of crazy. Some, like the common cold, can be cured on their own.

2. If you find a note in your mojito, it is best to listen to what it says.

3. There is a thin line between being a free spirit and being too lazy to make plans.

4. It is perfectly acceptable to go home after an 8 hour wedding. Or to McDonald's.

5. If you are in the mood for mussels, then order the f-ing mussels!

6. When a priest asks a rhetorical question in the middle of his sermon, he expects a response.

7. If the DJ plays an inspired song, it is more than okay to take credit for it.

8. Porn is relative: to one, the Food Network may suffice; for another, E! may do the trick. Even an episode of Weeds for a select few. But for most, the internet is probably best.

9. Not getting your own way is the reason for 99% of all frustrations.

10. Playing the piano is one of the few truly distracting activities requiring 100% of your obsessive attention.

11. When troubleshooting a technical conundrum, the malfunction will usually turn out to be where you never expected but should have.

12. At some point along the downward spiral, bare-boned honesty will be the only thing you have left. And when you are there, it won't be enough.

Wishbones & Backbones

Someone intelligent once said: "Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be." Life is about doing just that. Of course, Cake helps. Remember to have a big slice... and eat it too.

1. No matter how much you love your job, a day off is always better than a day at work.

2. When playing Monopoly, ownership of the railroads is the key.

3. People who expect to be served on a silver platter rarely get what they expect.

4. A night out at Boudoir following a deep and thought-provoking movie represents the ultimate balance between spiritual discovery and hedonism.

5. You will get a better tan by the pool in the desert that you do by the sea at the beach.

6. The influence of alcohol masks the truth for some, but reveals it for others. Even after knowing someone for several years, it will still be hard to tell which is the case.

7. Location, location, location: Only truly important when you are playing Monopoly.

8. Not all card games are created equal. Some require more funds (and clothing) than others.

9. A holiday destination can be both literally and metaphorically "dirty"; try not to let one overwhelm the other.

10. Karma may be a bitch, but eventually, she catches up with you. At least that's what I hear.

11. "Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."

The Silver Screen

Things I've learnt from the big screen.

(sometimes re-watched over and over on the small screen)

I had initially included the source movie of each but decided to take them out.

It would be more fun to let you guess.

(No prizes for correct answers. All I can offer is a fleeting sense of self-satisfaction)

1. There exists a different pie which is perfect for every occasion.

2. The most telling parts of a relationship are the conversations at the beginning and the conversations at the end.

3. If you think you have a really awesome idea, don't share it with someone smarter than you.

4. The small things you loved about someone at the beginning of a relationship, are very likely to be the big things you will hate about them at the end of it.

5. Decidedly leaving something unnamed will not make you any less attached to it.

6. You may think you are too heartbroken and depressed to ever laugh again. But you will... when something is really really funny.

7. "The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem."

8. You are your own worst enemy and your own best friend.

9. The more embellishments in a story, the more likely it is to be untrue.

10. It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Unfortunately, you will not realize you had a choice in the matter until it is far too late.

Change is good...

...or so they say.

Regardless, everything is better with Cake. Enjoy a slice or two to help you through the day.

Foolish Games

1. An idea for change may sound very simple and quite revolutionary in theory, but in practice, it will often prove far more difficult to derive the desired outcome.

2. Music, like wine, is one of the oldest forms of therapy. Wherever possible, engage in both.

3. If you have nothing to say, there's no need for some comment on the weather.

4. Sadness need not be dramatic, and more often than not, it is far from it.

5. It is difficult to fly when you are attached to something pulling you down to the ground.

6. Not all change takes place in cold turkey fashion, baby steps may be embarked on, but when all is said and done, cold turkey is still the most effective way to force it.

*Image courtesy of AmandaClairClark on Etsy. Song link courtesy of Grooveshark.

Cake in Wonderland

The Mad-Hatter, the Duchess, the Queen, the Cat... even Alice herself! They live in a muddled world where no-one is really sure of what's up and what's down, or even whether they are the same person they were yesterday... or this morning.

Like me, it seems Alice is a bit 'lost', but "curioser and curioser", she's also learning more and more as she wanders through Wonderland.

Some of you may have noticed the under-the-influence-of-Alice references in the past few posts, so dedicating a post on its own seemed the obviously appropriate and necessary thing to do. Hold on to your hats...!

1. "Be what you would seem to be, or if you'd like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." - The Duchess on being yourself

2. "We're all mad here." - The Cat on sanity

3. If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does." - The Duchess on world dynamics

4. "Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it." - The Duchess on ethics

5. "What is the use of a book, without pictures or conversations?" - Alice on literature

6. "Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction." - The Doorknob on following instructions

7. "Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin." - Alice on disappearing

8. "Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop." - The King on storytelling

9. "It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits." - Alice on nostalgia

10. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!" - The Queen on moving forward

11. "After a fall such as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs!" - Alice on the theory of relativity

12. "I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me!" - Alice on regret

13. "It would be so nice if something made sense for a change."- Alice on rationality

Behind closed doors

I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!
- Alice in Wonderland

----

1. A momentary relapse will often result in taking three steps back when you intended to take a baby one forward.

2. When purchasing a shirt and tie for someone older and wiser, go bold, but not too bold. And listen to the salesperson.

3. The overlap of people who value their privacy and people who are on social networks is a null set. If you value your social interactions more than your privacy, then you are on Facebook; otherwise, you are not.

4. It is hard to squeeze 7 years worth of a company's history into a 2 hour movie. It is inevitable that yes, some things will be left out.

5. Birthday parties with a children's theme will often spur people to act childishly.

6. If an expert tea taster tells you Darjeeling is his favourite tea, you should probably try Darjeeling.

7. It is cumbersome to have an argument when the participants do not share the same vocabulary.

8. If you don't remember putting on a clown suit, then you definitely had too much to drink.

9. Living like a hermit and living off-the-grid are two distinctly different ambitions. Doing both is most ambitious.

10. "Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."

11. Being a personal shopper is more difficult than it seems. But BBM helps.

12. GPS is the easiest way to find someone when you are lost. (It is also the easiest way to stalk someone.)

13. No-one ever knows what happens behind closed doors.

Lost in Translation

1. Beginnings, middles and ends: all equally elusive. You never know which part you're in until it's too late.

2. Je ne sais quoi is either something you have or something you don't. It is not something you can hope to gain or achieve.

3. Sometimes communicating with the same person in more than one language is the most efficient way to do so.

4. There's no such thing as what you "should" do, only what you "want" and "can” do.

5. Seldom is orchestrating a plan to get a girl on the same bus to another city easier than talking her into a cup of coffee.

6. It is a scary thing to relate to every page of a book you are reading.

7. Knowing that you have the ability to exert your willpower is one of the greatest feelings one can experience.

8. A bittersweet beginning, middle or end is not a terrible thing; so long as there's more sweet than bitter.

the wise words of winnie the pooh

meet my friend, winnie the pooh.

true, he's a bear, and full of fluff, but just like me, he's also learning as he goes along...

1. It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"

2. You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

3. If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

4. You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.

5. Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

6. A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.

7. Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

8. When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.

9. Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.

10. A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.

11. Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.

12. When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the doorway trying to get out.

13. Some people care too much, I think it's called love.

image: quote from Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh's best friend.

calculated risks

1. You must always keep your options open.

2. Right and wrong are subjective: something can feel right but be very wrong, and something can seem totally wrong but be completely the right thing. It's irrelevant.

3. The number of steps you take down to get somewhere, you will have to climb back up later. Choose your shoes wisely.

4. Sometimes you have to take a calculated risk. At other times you will be too drunk to calculate the risk, so it is best to simply not take it.

5. Self-preservation may often be mistaken for self-punishment: make sure you understand the difference before you embark on either.

6. It is much easier to fold a sheet when you've got someone holding up the other end to help you.

7. A certain mug may be more symbolic than meets the eye.

8. Travelling on back-to-back weekends is exhausting for some, necessary for others.

9. There is no such thing as too much champagne. Too many cigarettes is a whole other story.

friendly fire

1. criticism from a stranger is never easy to hear

2. "remember, money is dirty"

3. if you are feeling like Mariah post-Glitter pre-breakdown, like Britney post-divorce pre-Circus, and like Lindsay post-parties pre-jail, you need to slow down

4. when writing in another language, choose your words very carefully

5. there is no such thing as friendly fire... unless you are frozen in a mass of ice, then fire is very friendly

6. disappointment is inevitable. decide how much you want to let it bother you

7. when asked to offer criticism to a stranger, remember no.1

accommodating

1. never joke that a 500MB upload will give you an error at 97%

2. "people need to be accommodating, whether they are family or not"

3. not all decisions are dramatic

4. one should be very careful with one's choice of movie when one is feeling particularly exasperated

5. when faced with the consequences of murphy's law, one will always wonder what kind of guy murphy was

6. a bottle of wine is a much cheaper form of therapy

7. there's no such thing as too many cups of tea...

8. ... but there is such thing as too much butter

9. when travelling for less than 24 hours, it is best to be sober for the 24 hours preceding

smokescreen

words for the weekend...

1. i'm only critical when i care

2. horrifyingly, life is like a box of chocolates, faced with one decision after another, and you never know what you're gonna get

3. it is almost impossible to please everyone

4. if one does not enjoy being in a smoky bar for a drink, one should not go to a smoky bar for a drink

5. man can't live by bread alone, but woman can certainly live by cereal alone

6. "no-one is ever good enough for the people you love"

7. you can get the same thing for 30,000 that someone has tried to charge you 180,000 for

8. restlessness of any kind is simply you waiting for the other shoe to drop

trying hard enough

1. sometimes a 30-40 minute wait for a table is worth it

2. if it's after 3 am and someone promises to "get a cab and wait for you outside", it's best to assume they won't

3. the only way to live your life is unapologetically

4. it is entirely possible to plan a wedding in 9 days

5. ordering pizza when inebriated and sleepy is never ever a good idea

6. when given the choice between champagne and tea, choose correctly

7. when it comes to late night requests, it is very important that you "try hard enough"

8. some movies are rewatchable to the infinite power

9. "we judge ourselves on our intentions and others on their actions"

happier than a bird with a french fry

unceremoniously back for more cake...

1. maybe he's just not a flower-giving kind of guy, just remind yourself of his other good qualities, and then send yourself some flowers

2. happiness really is a state of mind, but the ultimate enhancement is a good dose of fruit

3. spreading yourself thin is better than not spreading yourself at all

4. the more you look for mistakes, the more you will find

5. getting used to something is a dangerous thing

6. a lack of willpower is the root of all evil

7. the most adequate response to "why?" is "why not?!"

8. no good deed goes unpunished

9. adjusting one's age is perfectly acceptable if one simply does not feel that age

10. the literal road less traveled is often literally the most scenic

11. a picture is worth (and generates) a thousand words, and then some

Dirty Laundry

I've been harassed. As a result, here you go.

1. Everything is relative. Things are never what they seem.

2. Changing perspective is the best way to solve a problem.

3. An empty laundry basket is very satisfying.

4. In driving, changing lanes follows a highly orchestrated set of rules and moves.

5. In life, changing lanes follows no rules whatsoever.

6. The more information at your disposal, the more the plot thickens.

7. Whether you are "a catch" or not is not something to be assessed by you.

8. A smaller notebook lends itself to productive work. And a relatively longer and hence more impressive 'to do' list.

9. In addition to the amount, the rate at which one downs alcoholic beverages s positively correlated to the eventual level of inebriation.

10. A sunburn does not facilitate a good night's sleep.

11. Be very very careful what you wish for.

12. Secretive behaviour is highly extremely unattractively antisocial.

13. Guitar Hero is a perfectly good way to spend one's weekend.

14. Virtual money can be just as exciting as Real money.

15. Never make a Life Changing Decision to suit someone else's life.

16. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.