Let them eat pie

Sometimes saying nothing says it all. But most times, saying nothing says nothing.

1. When faced with the question "McDonald's?" at 3 a.m. or thereabouts, your answer should always be a firm and unwavering "No." You will feel much thinner in the morning.

2. It is never necessary to ever consider actually changing a flat tire. There will always be an ego-starved stranger willing to show off his muscles.

3. Just because a restaurant closes at 11:30 doesn't mean you cannot show up at 11:25 and expect prawn bags and duck.

4. Dry cleaning, like overpriced vanilla lattes and a maid, is one of life's indispensable luxuries.

5. Cake and pie are not the same thing and cannot under any circumstances be interchanged haphazardly without any consideration for other people's feelings.

6. Heavy alcoholic nights make for very subdued days thereafter.

7. If you are two girls alone at a spa, you have given up the right to speculate regarding the sexuality of two boys also alone at the same spa at the same time.

8. As soon as you begin to wonder why you have not bumped into a certain person or the other in so long, they will inadvertently and without warning make an appearance in your day.

9. One should not taste delicious chocolate bars which are unavailable in one's place of current residence.

10. Pressure to communicate often hinders one's ability or desire to do so.