Thursday, December 11, 2008

Parfois décapotable

"I used to roll the dice... feel the fear in my enemy's eyes"

1. You either want someone or you don't. There is no grey area. And if you don't, by definition, you are not allowed to have an opinion on who does. Otherwise, this is referred to as "having your cake and eating it too."

2. Bank people are the worst people to chat to right about midmorning if you need something done.

3. Repeatedly binging on certain fast-food constituents on anything more than a yearly basis is a horrible terrible horrendous terrifying mistake. Instead, one should contend with going to bed slightly intoxicated and with an inkling of hunger.

4. A semi-strict diet to become very hot is a better option than a very strict diet to become semi-hot.

5. "Women are like instruments, if you play them right, they will... hum."

6. Watching a concert from a VIP lounge is infinitely cooler than mixing with the masses.

7. A décapotable is not always as cool and easy breezy as the movies make it look. Especially when mazing through the big construction site that is this city.

8. There is a thin line between endearing and stalkerish.

9. When imparting words of any nature, one must be fully aware of the context in which they are imparted...

10. ...And when exchanging words, one much ensure that all parties speak the same language.

11. There is no such thing as a wasted day. Spending a day wasted, on the other hand, is encouraged.

"One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me, and I discovered that my castles stand, upon pillars of salt, pillars of sand..."

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Diamonds are this girl's best friend

Forgetting one's earphones at home makes for an eerily soundtrackless day...

1. Remembering learnings over a 5-day vacation span is slightly unrealistic, especially given the presence of occasional alcoholism and naps.

2. Remembering what one did over a 5-day vacation span is very unrealistic, especially given the presence of frequent alcoholism and long naps and exciting poker games.

3. Love can come in the form of juice. Or jewelry.

4. Good things come in small packages. But small things can come in big packages.

5. 'Why not' is not an adequate reason why.

6. A couple of kilos is a fair price to pay for happiness.

7. Gifts are easy peasy. If you want your girlfriend to fall in love with you: Tiffany's, Cartier, Graff or DeBeers. If you want her to break up with you: Virgin Megastore gift voucher.

8. Apparently, a turkey gains cute-ness status only once stuffed, roasted, carved and consumed.

9. With increasing occurrence, the stock value of a long-distance call decreases considerably. Unless accompanied by a Western Union money transfer. In which case, stock value increases.

10. When it comes to Christmas gifts, it's the thought that counts. But if you have Visa and Mastercard on your side, the bigger the diamond the better.

11. An unusually large aquarium in a gaudy sprawling mall will draw a representative Dubai demographic.

12. The best way to justify the impulsive purchase of an expensive item is to convert the cost into another more valuable currency. The sound of the number feels much better.

13. It is little worrisome when you find you are relating a little too much to a little gem of a book with the little word "booty" right there in the title.

14. The amount of seafood which a group of people can eat in one sitting is equal to the amount of seafood which makes it to the table.

15. A maid is the one indispensable luxury which one should never skimp on. Along with over-priced morning coffees and croissants.

16. Feeling forgotten and being forgotten are two very different things.

17. Electronics stores have especially gruesomely unsightly lighting.

18. In the absence of cuddly sweaters and falling snow, that special Christmas feeling can be simulated by the buying of many many super duper cool gifts.

19. There is nothing that lifts the spirits quite like lovely weather, lots and lots of smiles and the prospect of lunch with a good friend.

20. The longer the break between learnings, the longer the learnings...